这个博客更像是我的遗书，虽然我目前并没有想去死。
我对他人的不理解感到过敏般的难受与痛苦。我希望他们理解我只是个普通人，会犯错，不要再把我当做撒气口了。我没有做过值得他们生气的事情。
目前为止我以为我自己已经做得很好了。也许我还可以做得更好吧，但我真的很累。
我总希望有人能够理解我，但是没有人能够，但这不是他们的错，这是我自己的错。
过往我做错事情的回忆会持续的折磨我。
我好痛苦，但因为我的幼稚，我狭隘的眼光，我默认地忽视了太多东西。
即便是“要求别人理解我是普通人”这一点，就已经够傲慢的了。这不是什么好词，这是比自卑还要恶心的放大体。实际上自己在做的所有事情，没有获得一个结果前，都是没有意义的无用功。而我却在没有获得结果前，就拿它当作自己的本钱。这是罪啊。
我觉得人生果然还是有意义一点比较好，一切负面情绪源于自己内心的空虚感。自己配得上好的条件好的环境吗？这取决于自己是否活到了内心的标准。我觉得我离我内心的标准还远着，所以现在被负面情绪狠狠地打压住了。要是能多做些实质性的东西，也不至于会变成这样。
仅仅作为人生的一点杂记来说，这个博客就有存在的意义吧，兴许比我本人存在的意义还要大些。起码会有人觉得博客是有趣的。
This blog is more like my farewell letter, although I don't currently want to be dead ;)
I feel allergy-like hardness and pain at the lack of understanding from others. I hope they understand that I'm just a regular person who will make mistakes and stop using me as a pissing match. I haven't done anything to deserve their anger.
So far I think I've done a good job on my own. Maybe I could have done better, but I'm really tired.
I always wish someone could understand me, but no one can, but it's not their fault, it's my own.
The memories of past things I did wrong will continue to torment me.
I was in pain, but because of my naivety, my narrow-mindedness, I ignored too many things by default.
Even "asking people to understand that I am an ordinary person" is arrogant enough. This is not a good word, even more disgusting than inferiority. In fact, everything I do is meaningless and useless until I get a result out of my striving. And I take it as my principal until I get a result. That's a sin.
I think life is really better to have a little meaning, and all the negative emotions stem from the feeling of emptiness inside yourself. Do I actually deserve good conditions and good circumstances? This depends on whether I live up to my inner standards. I think I'm still far from it, so now I'm being hard pressed by the negativity. If I could do something more substantial, I wouldn't be in this mess.
Just as a miscellany of life, this blog has a purpose, perhaps even more than my own existence. At least someone will find the blog interesting.
